it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
