I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
