that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
PANTIES FOUND
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