Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
