I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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