Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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