Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
