I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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