some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
