I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
