She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize