Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
