Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize