i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
