I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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