Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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