just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
