I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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