I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
