You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
