I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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