I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
