True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
