I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
