I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
