I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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