Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
