operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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