how can u be prego again
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize