My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
