Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize