i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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