i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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