My hand turned me down
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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