I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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