I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
