let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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