Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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