She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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