Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
