Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
