Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
