Im at strip club and am horny
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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