The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
