If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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