i jhust puked up my retainher.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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