I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
