I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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