I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
