so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
