How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
