a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
