Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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