jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
