the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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