My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
