you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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