maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
bring money and cleavage
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize