I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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