hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
