The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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