Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize