when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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