the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
