Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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