He is an equal opportunity slut.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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