Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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