Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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