ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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