The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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