there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
